{"product_id":"vlad-as-per-my-last-impalement","title":"As Per My Last Impalement","description":"\u003cstyle\u003e\n.accordion details {\n  border-bottom: 1px solid #333;\n  margin-bottom: 0;\n}\n.accordion summary {\n  cursor: pointer;\n  font-weight: bold;\n  padding: 12px 0;\n  list-style: none;\n  display: flex;\n  justify-content: space-between;\n  align-items: center;\n}\n.accordion summary::-webkit-details-marker { display: none; }\n.accordion summary::after {\n  content: '+';\n  font-size: 1.2em;\n  transition: transform 0.2s;\n}\n.accordion details[open] summary::after {\n  content: '-';\n}\n.accordion .accordion-body {\n  padding: 0 0 14px 0;\n}\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"accordion\"\u003e\n\n  \u003cdetails open\u003e\n    \u003csummary\u003eAbout This Tee\u003c\/summary\u003e\n    \u003cdiv class=\"accordion-body\"\u003e\n      \u003cp\u003eThe ultimate response to an email that should have been a read-receipt. This tee features the iconic woodcut-style portrait of Vlad Tepes framed in a distressed gothic arch, paired with the legendary corporate passive-aggressive phrase rewritten for the dark ages: \u003cem\u003e\"Per My Last Impalement.\"\u003c\/em\u003e It's the perfect blend of office fatigue and historical brutality.\u003c\/p\u003e\n      \u003cp\u003eWhether you're dealing with repetitive questions on Slack, ignored project updates, or just want to bring some savage wit to casual Friday, this shirt lets everyone know you don't like repeating yourself.\u003c\/p\u003e\n    \u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003c\/details\u003e\n\n  \u003cdetails\u003e\n    \u003csummary\u003eFabric \u0026amp; Construction\u003c\/summary\u003e\n    \u003cdiv class=\"accordion-body\"\u003e\n      \u003cul\u003e\n        \u003cli\u003e100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003c\/li\u003e\n        \u003cli\u003eFabric weight: 4.2 oz.\/yd.2 (142 g\/m2)\u003c\/li\u003e\n        \u003cli\u003ePre-shrunk fabric\u003c\/li\u003e\n        \u003cli\u003eSide-seamed construction\u003c\/li\u003e\n        \u003cli\u003eShoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003c\/li\u003e\n        \u003cli\u003eBlank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003c\/li\u003e\n      \u003c\/ul\u003e\n      \u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eDisclaimer: The fabric is slightly sheer and may appear see-through, especially in lighter colors or under certain lighting conditions.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n    \u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003c\/details\u003e\n\n  \u003cdetails\u003e\n    \u003csummary\u003eShipping \u0026amp; Compliance\u003c\/summary\u003e\n    \u003cdiv class=\"accordion-body\"\u003e\n      \u003cp\u003eThis product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!\u003c\/p\u003e\n      \u003cp\u003eAge restrictions: For adults\u003cbr\u003eEU Warranty: 2 years\u003c\/p\u003e\n      \u003cp\u003eIn compliance with the General Product Safety Regulation (GPSR), The Bride \u0026amp; Cryptones and SINDEN VENTURES LIMITED ensure that all consumer products offered are safe and meet EU standards. For any product safety related inquiries or concerns, please contact our EU representative at \u003ca href=\"mailto:gpsr@sindenventures.com\"\u003egpsr@sindenventures.com\u003c\/a\u003e. You can also write to us at PO BOX 99900 CW 502 583, STN MAIN, TERRACE BC V8G 0J3 or Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus.\u003c\/p\u003e\n    \u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003c\/details\u003e\n\n  \u003cdetails\u003e\n    \u003csummary\u003eSize Guide\u003c\/summary\u003e\n    \u003cdiv class=\"accordion-body\"\u003e\n      \u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eImperial\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n      \u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\n        \u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e16 1\/2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31-34\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34-37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38-41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42-45\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e46-49\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50-53\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e54-57\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e58-61\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e5XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e62-65\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n        \u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\n      \u003c\/div\u003e\n      \u003cbr\u003e\n      \u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMetric\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n      \u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"metric\"\u003e\n        \u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e68.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7-86.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e86.4-94\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e73.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e96.5-104.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e76.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e106.7-114.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e61\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e116.8-124.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e81.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e66\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e127-134.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e83.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e137.2-144.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e86.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e76.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e147.3-155\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n          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